When I’m Small
I recently experienced a shrinkage of Self.
It happens sometimes.
And, it will probably happen again.
I am human after all—one that is open to experiencing the depths of what that means.
I was lost in the labyrinth of who I am.
In which I found bright lights of insight and darker versions of myself.
I questioned each and every one of them.
As you may have witnessed.
This was not due to a single incident, but to the overall experience of what it is to be human.
Regardless, you stuck with me.
Loving all of me: The Victim, The Bully, The Narcissist, The Lover, The Child, The Warrior, The Drama Queen, and The OverAnalyst.
With the Grace of who you are, you have been there for me—as always.
When I have forgotten who I AM,
You have gently,
lovingly guided me back to my Self.
And I am grateful for that.
I am grateful that you are so willing to give me light, depth and insight when I haven’t the energy or wherewithal to find my own.
How lucky are we to know this kind of love from another?
We are interesting creatures.
We take a lot of beating—from each other—from the outside world—and from ourselves.
But we are fearless in our love,
our drive to connect,
to grow, and
There is nothing quite like us.
Our friendships can be immediate and intense. In a very short period of time we can expose greater and deeper parts of ourselves. We are usually very open to expressing our feelings and excited about the time we spend together. We listen deeply and we laugh easily.
Sometimes this will sustain a lifetime and other times it becomes too intense and implodes, forcing us into separation. But we are never fully separated. There is always something that keeps us connected even if we are unable to maintain what it once was.
What we see in each other—the good and the bad—are just representations of who we are in ourselves.
You are me and I am you.
Even though we come in different shapes and sizes, we are the same.
What I like about you, I am too.
What frustrates you about me, you are too.
We are only able to see in each other what we know of ourselves. Whatever trait I see in you—whether I am attracted to it or repelled by it—is because I share it too. It may not be a conscious knowing of ourselves. We can be fooled into thinking it doesn’t belong to us, but it does.
So, when you are showing compassion to The Victim in me, you are also showing compassion to The Victim side of yourself. When you are frustrated with The Narcissist in me, it is because you are frustrated by The Narcissist in you.
If we are wise enough to grasp this notion we fall in line with our true nature and we experience Namaste.
The Sanskrit blessing of Namaste states that when you are in a place of openness and at the same time I am in a place of openness, we are one. This is our default state. But our Human existence feeds our ego which creates static between us confusing the mutual state of Namaste.
Tonight, I sit on my roof thinking of you while gazing at the stars that rarely show themselves to me in the city lights. They are bright lights that come out every single night regardless of whether others are able to see them through the dense fog.
We are not unlike them: Individual beings existing in the same Universe, struggling to find our light even in the midst of darkness and fog. We are all faced with various struggles–trying so valiantly to manage our relationships and different obstacles that life throws our way.
So, when you are in those moments of feeling small, or alone, or overwhelmed by the dramas of this human existence:
look up the stars and
know you are neither small nor alone.
We are all here with you—shining our goodness and support upon you—going through this with you. Let that bring you some relief and reassurance that:
No matter how imperfect you may feel,
You are not alone.
You belong with us.
We are in this together.